Dawn's "Until You're A Mom" Page

 

March 5th, 2018 -- "Until You're A Mom... Or Not"
 

For women who have dreamed of becoming a Mom and for those that are still hoping it can happen, there is that panic moment or moments I should say that creep in telling you it won’t happen at all, and for some they already know this to be true. And now you are left with the acceptance of it all. The feeling inadequate as a woman part of it all.  The feeling that you will never measure up to women who have kids, because they have this special something that we don’t have, they have someone calling them Mom.

 

The pain is so great It’s stupid how much it can hurt. We look at our lives and how blessed we are in SO many areas and for awhile that works at taking the pain away…but then it always finds a way to creep in and remind you that you aren’t a Mom something you always thought you would be at this point in  your life. As I’m speaking about myself, I know this resonates with so many other non Moms out there. We are all apart of this club we never wanted to be in!

 

If you don’t know this about me I LOVE Dolly Parton, but who doesn’t!!  She is such a caring, giving person so charitable. She never had children, which just blows my mind because she would have been THE best Mom! She always thought she would have children but it didn’t happen, I can relate to that.  She has come to terms with and loves that she is THE best Aunt and her nieces and nephews love her so dearly, she has said that “ I think it probably was his (God’s) plan for me not to have kids, so everybody’s kids could me mine.” Oh my gosh that just gets me every time and makes me cry!

 

When I need a good pick me up when it comes to the Mom stuff, I think of Dolly Parton and her amazing attitude and outlook about it, thanks Dolly for your inspiration and for soothing the soul of someone you don’t even know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 11th, 2017 -- "Until You're A Mom" Vlog - Episode 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 12th, 2017 -- Ugh Mother's Day

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love all my family and friends that are Moms, but….Mother’s Day SUCKS ASS when you wish you were a Mom. I don’t want to think that I am  speaking for all the Mom hopefuls out there, so I will just speak for myself and those of you that feel the same way as me we can wallow in our self-pity together LOL!!!

 

I’ve noticed that I am WAY more bothered by Mother’s Day this year than prior years. I’m not sure why that is, I can only guess..maybe it’s because I in no way shape or form thought I would be 47 and childless so its seeming less and less possible that it will happen?? Or maybe it’s because I’m actually working on the pain of not being a Mom so I’m a tad bit more sensitive about it this year??? Who knows. I do have a therapy appointment  in the next few days so I’m sure I’ll find out then…joy o joy…that’s sarcasm!

 

In the meantime l’m freaking grumpy and sad about it. And I’m allowing myself to be grumpy and sad about it damn it. You know overall I’m a happy person I am well aware that I have a really good life and I don’t take that for granted , I’ve won the lottery when it comes to husbands, I have amazing sisters and girlfriends and our nieces, nephews and godchildren love me very much. I am also well aware of all the terrible shit that’s happening in people’s lives on a daily basis. I live my life having perspective. But you know what that doesn’t mean that I for a few days can’t be a grumpy asshole about this year’s Mother’s Day! It’s a real pain, a deep pain and no one can understand it but those of us going thru it.

 

My favorite I got to tell you is when the Universe knows something is bothering you and then makes sure the very thing that is bothering you is ALL around you more so than usual. I was at the grocery store the other day doing my shopping around the same time as always but of course on this particular day when I am already on the verge of tears, I can barely keep my emotions together at the thought of not being a Mom and who is at the fucking grocery store???? That’s right Mother’s with their new born babies everywhere, no seriously everywhere. Now you might be saying what’s unusual about that Dawn? Well in and of itself nothing there are usually Mom’s at the grocery store with their children when I am there..but this was like a huge Casino bus just drove up and a shit ton of moms with their babies and children got off that bus. Every freaking corner I turned there they were, I wanted to just run out of the store screaming my freaking head off, I couldn’t even make eye contact with these women because I knew the flood gates would open and how weird would that have been for these Moms, a woman standing there crying her eyes out looking at you…yep that would have been a tad bit weird!!!

 

My other favorite is when people say to you, ‘oh it will happen you will become a Mom someday’ and I’m thinking well thank you for that that is so comforting makes everything all better, why didn’t I think of that! As they go home to their children and get to be called Mom. You know they are being genuine, but that’s like telling a single girl who is depressed that she hasn’t found love yet that it’s just around the corner and will happen when she least expects it, as the person telling her this skips away with the love of their life lol!!!

 

This Mother’s Day I’ll be holed up and shutting it down.  No social media, no live TV, no Lifetime mom movie marathon, no going anywhere in public. Oh god for sure not going anywhere in public don’t need a bunch of people wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day, I know they are just being nice and wishing each woman they see a Happy Mother’s Day but when you feel like I do right now they might as well just take a knife and stab me in the heart lol!

 

It’s a travel day for my hubby which I think is a good thing for him, he is an amazing source of comfort but this year I’m feeling so crappy I don’t need to take him down with me!!! So my day will consist of enjoying the cool morning weather as I feed  and spend some time with the chickens, goats and sheep they are all so darn cute it’s bound to make me feel a bit better. I’m going to make sure I have only healthy food available at the house so I don’t put myself in a junk food coma! Then I’m going to curl up in our extremely comfy bed with our crazy cat Bailey surrounded by all our comfy pillows and big puffy comforter and watch mindless, stupid, silly, funny TV. And then I’ll get over myself and join the world on Monday!

 

January 8th, 2017 -- "They Don't Ever Go Away, They Want Everything You Have

 

Oh my gosh this is my favorite video right now!! This thing has gone viral, not surprised by it cause hell even us non Mom’s know this is so true for our Mom friends!! I laugh every time I watch it!! See as an Aunt’s and or Godmother’s we may watch your kiddos for a day, a week sometimes even a few months but…..we do get to give them back!!

 

I know SO many of us non Mom’s want kids but hey until that day comes be glad for now you don’t have to hide in your pantry to have a treat!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 5th, 2016 -- Joy In The Sadness

 

For us gals who wish we had children this can be a rough time of year but it doesn't have to be. 

 

For MANY years this time of year brought out joy and sadness in me. Joy cause ummm duh its Christmas time!! Sadness cause well it’s also a Season for kids. Getting a Christmas tree, decorating the tree, buying presents, school Holiday performances, ice skating, making cookies, taking the kiddos to see Santa…of course these are all things adults can do without children, except for seeing Santa or showing up at a school holiday performance, that would just be weird! But when you want kids these things seem to have a piece missing when you do them with just adults…the kid piece.

 

I’ve been blessed with nieces, nephews, a great niece and great nephew (yes even my nieces have had children before me!!!lol!! I can laugh about that now!) So throughout my life I’ve been able to experience Christmas a bazillion times thru the eyes of children, which I am grateful for however  when those children aren’t yours it can be joyful and painful all at once. 

 

There were times I just wanted to have my husband and I go to some cabin in Wyoming for the Holidays and hide out just he, I and whatever livestock was grazing in the pastures! And not have to see families. Not have to hear Moms talk about all their Mom stuff they are doing over the holidays. Some saying it with excitement and some with annoyance, which is much worse by the way. When you want to be a Mom and you hear a Mom bitching about her Mom duties you just want to look at her and go ‘really did you think it wasn’t gonna be a pain in the ass, hello having children is a big pain in the ass newsflash, and you should enjoy every pain in the ass moment you have! I think it’s just something that Moms like to do complain about being a Mom and guess what it may be really annoying right now, but someday when those of us that want to be Moms are Moms we will join right in on the bitching!!!!! Lol!!

 

 

My point in all this is it’s okay if this time of year is rough for you.  Allow yourself time to be sad, to feel the emptiness to feel the loss. But also make sure to notice and be aware of all your blessings. You might not be a Mom this Christmas Season but that doesn’t mean you don’t get to feel joy and happiness this time of year. It’s all around you and I know you know it is, we just sometimes get  caught up in the sadness of not having children and there are moments that’s okay and then we need to get back to the life we have right now and be in each precious moment.  

 

I NEVER consciously thought I would be 46 with no children. Never. But I am. I can either allow this time of year to bring out the sadness of that or I can count each and every blessing that I do have in every single loving person that’s in my life. I choose to do that and I will savor that this time of year and I hope you choose to do the same. 

 

September 19th, 2016 -- You Can Be Motherly, Without Being A Mom

 

I came across an article on ETonline, the headline read, ‘Winona Ryder says she gets questioned about playing a Mom on Stranger Things, because she isn’t a Mom.’ I thought whhaaat, are you serious??!! So I read further and yep, she said reporters will ask her, ‘You don’t have kids, so how do you know how to act like a Mother?’ Are you fucking kidding me, are they for real, Jesus lord what a bunch of dumb ass reporters. Seriously that has got to be the MOST ignorant question. Do these reporters never go outside? Do they ever read? Dear god story after story is out there about women who are Moms and are HORRIBLE at it.

 

I’m a pretty strong woman and much doesn’t offend me, but shit like that is just offensive. Maybe it’s because I’m not a Mom yet, but I know how to be Motherly. Having children does not mean in any way shape or form you will know how to Mother that child. ANY woman who has motherly instincts will know how to Mother a child. Whether it’s an adopted child, a fostered child a Step child, your child you gave birth to or your niece, nephew or Godchild. Asking a woman how she can play a Mom when she isn’t one is like asking Mother Teresa how she managed to care for all those poor orphaned children when she was never a Mom herself…the depth of stupidity of that question that reporters are asking Winona Ryder is just mind boggling.  

 

This is really important for all of us that are childless, you can still be Motherly. Some women just have natural instincts on how to take care of a child, I used to down play mine because I never wanted to make it sound like I knew what it was like to be a Mom. And you know what I don’t, I don’t know what it’s like to be responsible for this little being 24/7. But I do know what it’s like to be Motherly to a child, to be there to help my sisters, sister in law and friends with their kids so they can have a break, and I’ve been blessed to be able to use my motherly skills since I was 16.

 

The women in my family and my closest girlfriends who have birthed children have said a million times, just because someone births a child, does not mean they are a Mother, it’s how they care for their child that makes them a Mother.

 

Trust me I know what that yearning to care for your own child 24/7 feels like, but until that happens you can still be Motherly to the children in your life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

September 5th, 2016 -- Tick Tock

 

First off thank you SO much for all the amazing letters I received from so many of you who are also childless. I am still responding to those emails so please know I am not ignoring yours if you haven't gotten a response from me yet. You all shared extremely private things about your journey to hopefully become a Mom, I don't take that lightly at all that you opened up to me and shared your own personal pain with me, I appreciate all of you so much.

 

Most of my close friends have children, only a few don’t.  One of my girlfriends who’d like to have children just hasn’t found the right relationship yet. She has zero interest bringing a child into this world without a father, so the whole adopt as a single woman or do artificial insemination thing is out. Let’s start there, here you have a woman who desires to fall in love and then bring a baby into this world with the man she loves. And yet people are like “ tick tock honey time is running out, if you want a child  you better just do it without a man.”  This is the shit she will hear sometimes.

 

Good God how ridiculous people can be. This good friend of mine not only has her heart aching to find a good man, she also really wants to have children. And the one thing some jackass people can say is tick tock. Yep that’s a woman’s favorite thing to hear is tick tock time is running out. As if women 35 and older don’t already know that. Gee thanks for sticking the knife further in her gut, cause until you said that she had NO idea that as she reaches 35 and older her egg count goes way down.  Then to really dig that knife in, those same dumb people say “well you can’t have it all”….REALLY!! Wanting to have a family with the man you love is now considered having it all. Holy shit, what the hell has happened to our society.

 

Listen up you insensitive asses, a child isn’t a toy, an accessory or something you have out of selfishness. My good friend isn’t going to put her desires ahead of what she feels is best for a child. And what she and so many women feel are best for children is that they  be brought into this world with 2 loving parents. That isn’t wanting it all, for them it’s doing what’s right.

 

Yes there are many choices out there for people who want children. But not all those choices are compatible for every person. For some adopting/fostering works for them for others it doesn’t. Freezing eggs may be an awesome option for one woman and not so awesome for another.  Artificial insemination, a surrogate , fertility treatments all may be what one woman wants to try while another has no interest in those things. And yes some women still want to have a baby the old fashioned way, while in a relationship with the person they love, them waiting for that to happen doesn’t make their desire for that outcome any less valid because there are many other ways to have a baby. Not all the ways work for everyone.

 

So the next time you think you should tell a childless woman all the ways there are to have children these days. Don’t. She already knows. And if she wants to talk to you about it she will bring it up. Thanks!!

 

 

 

August 15th, 2016

Until I'm a Mom.....

Not being a mom, as you all know, pains me deeply. I also know it pains A LOT of women who are childless. I thought I'd give myself this outlet not just for me but for all of us that want to me Mommies. There are numerous reasons you may not be a Mom...yet. But the desire and dream to be one is there.. and it's all too strong, sometimes it can be overwhelming and consuming. I've been thinking about putting a page like this up for awhile now and then you know life gets in the way...

So I will thank the movie Bad Moms for reminding me! Why did that movie remind me about this page, only someone who has kids or someone who doesn't want them would ask that question, am I right girls!!!! Great that's all we needed was a movie to remind us that we don't have children, bring on sleep deprivation, never feeling like you are doing enough as a Mom and having to deal with all the mean Moms, us Childless women who want children say bring it on!! Hahahahaha!! We'll happily take all of that instead of not experiencing Motherhood.

Thru the years I have gone to some blogs hoping to find encouragement or just a group of women who understood how I felt. Sadly most blogs I found were depressing! If I'm already having one of 'those' days and you know what kind of 'day' I'm talking about the kind where your heart hurts so bad that you cry at diaper commercials looking at those babies, I sure as shit don't want to be more sad on those days! So I thought why don't I start a page on our website, not that I'm this great writer, I'm actually a terrible writer!! But I digress... or that I represent all women who wish to be moms but aren't, cause I know I don't represent all of you!  We are a complex group each of us with our own stories and journeys as to why we are still childless..I hope you get some kind of relief from this page if only for a moment...

So until I'm a mom, I'm going to remind myself how my husband says to me 'babe it's not IF it's WHEN you are a mom.' And remember that he and I lift this up to God, and it's in His timing. So in the meantime there are
numerous things for me to be grateful for and feel blessed and one of those many but VERY important things is how throughout my marriage to Gary he and I have been asked to take some of our friends and families children if they as the parents should pass away.

Early on in our marriage we could have at any point had 8 children that we would be responsible for. Those children have since grown up. Now at any point we could end up with 9 children. Now of course you hope this NEVER happens because that would mean the worst happened to those children's parents and to friends and family that we love dearly.

What an honor it is to be asked to take someone's children. That means they love and trust us enough to put their children in our care if the worst were to happen. That's a total of 17 kids and 6 different sets of parents asking Gary and I to care for their children. And we aren't even parents, yet these folks who are parents believe in their hearts that we would be amazing for their children. Big sigh here as I read that and really let it sink in.

That's a pretty BIG freaking deal. It really is. And It's something I really need to remind myself of when I'm in a super down place that I'm not a Mom. I know when you are down about this it may be difficult to think of the
blessings in your life that you have now and I know they won't replace the child you so desperately want but until that child or children enters your life, try and remember the blessings you have now which will help put a
smile on your face and joy in your heart.