6 MONTH CHECK IN

 

As of October 31st, 2017, it has been 6 months since I made the decision to go booze free for one year.  Half way to my goal, and I haven’t felt this good since my early 20s.  Honestly, I spent practically all of my 20s into my 30s partying and living quite recklessly.   Doing anything in excess for an extended period of time will do more harm than good, of course.   These first 6 months have seemingly gone by so fast, it has had its challenges.  There are three major lessons that I have learned in my one year journey of sobriety, that I will go over for you now. 
 

• Never Regret, learn from the past and move on.

Since a cloud has been lifted and I have been jolted into a sense of overwhelming self reliance and control, I have been able to reflect heavily on my actions over the last 12 years.  When I started drinking, it really was a social thing.  I’d stay up late with my fellow radio friends after long hour days.  Things were much more care free in my early 20s, and there weren’t as many responsibilities that required my full attention.   There was no sense of consequences and I was just out to have a good time.  Admittedly, I made the stupidest choice of my life and got behind the wheel while intoxicated, and I got caught.  Twice.  As I should have.  The penalties were severe.  Financially and socially.  I happily took my sentences and served my time, knowing that this was the best outcome I could ask for.  I’m extremely lucky that I didn’t hurt myself, or even worse, someone else.  Fast forward a few years and the DUI convictions are quickly becoming a faint memory.  It was easy to get back into drinking, but this time around, I tended to drink to mask up some very important emotions and behaviors.  They needed to be addressed but I drowned them one drink at a time.  I could write on and on about the stupid things I’ve said and done… but, believe me when I say, I have beat it like a dead horse in my mind.  Over and over again.  It does no good to overanalyze what could have been or what you could have done better.  I DO regret some things I may have said or done to those I care about.  But I don’t regret where I am now and how I got here.  For I am more grateful than ever to have those who love and support who I am.  When I have doubts, and I doubt quite often, I think of those who believe in me.  That keeps me going and moving on to be a better human for myself and those around me.

 

• Be open and communicate often.
   

Now this lesson can be applied to all aspects of life.  Since this is a sobriety blog, I’m implying that you be open and honest about your cravings and your feelings.  When asked if I plan on drinking again after the one year mark, I’m often left wondering if I even want to.  Then I remember that I do love an ice cold beer with Mexican food, and I love a nice robust red wine with a steak or pasta.  I do miss these things, but I don’t miss it to the point where I get angry, emotional, or shaky.  I simply acknowledge my craving, and if I need something to calm that craving, I turn to sparkling water or one of those smaller cans of sodas.  Something about a fizzy drink that helps me curb those small appetites.  Hell, I even tried a non-alcoholic beer at a concert not too long ago.  It did taste good, but I quickly thought about how it’d go straight to my gut, and that it seemed rather pointless.  Although, I will admit that my mind did play a funny trick on me to think that I was feeling a little buzzed from that non alcoholic beer.  That will be the last n/a beer I consume, because it’s rather pointless to me. 

Having a support group, including my wife who has decided to take this one year journey with me, makes all of the difference in the world.  I can easily say to them how I am feeling, discuss it logically, and I’ve realized that I’m finally starting to deal with things head on, rather than stuff it down or drink it away.  The revelation became clear just two weeks ago when a situation arose, and I instantly wanted to drink.  The incident was so bad that it drove me to that place where the only thing that would be feel good is to get numb and forget.  Instead, I talked it through, acknowledged the weakness, allowed myself to feel weak, and picked myself up.  There’s a lot to be said about breaking down your character and being subjective enough to honestly say, “You know what, I was wrong, and this is how I can do better.”  Humility is my greatest virtue throughout this process.
 

• Remember to have fun.
   

The biggest battle for me has not been the cravings, the temptation, or even the social events where I would typically imbibe with friends and family.  My struggle is remembering how to have fun.  This is one of those things that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember.  Even when I was a teenager, I had to technically “grow up” a little faster than I needed to.  Due to health issues in my family, I was left with more responsibility than a kid should have.  I don’t blame anyone in my family because it’s a part of life and everyone has a struggle.  My struggle was in order to feel like I was accomplishing things, I had to constantly be providing and working for others to make sure their needs are met.  It hasn’t been until recently where I’ve actually TRIED (keyword, tried) to be selfish and spend time for me.  I will manage to get maybe 5 minutes here and there, or maybe even half a day if I get golf trip in.  But it is so hard for me to accept that I can have fun.  Alcohol really did help me relax and slide into a place where I was more care free.  Now that things are far more clear, I can’t stop thinking about responsibilities or what needs to be done.  It’s all about balance.   Finding that middle ground where work and play do not get mixed up and one doesn’t take precedent over the other.  Take time to meditate, breath, turn off your devices and disconnect.  These are all things I tell myself, that I don't do well enough.  It's a process, not something to be fixed overnight, and that's okay.
 

Well, there you have it.  I’m 6 months in and feeling great!  Physically, I can’t find enough ways to get rid of this nervous energy.  For now, I stick to keeping my focus on my career and spending time with my animals at home.  I hope that by sharing my experiences in dealing with regret and the past, communication about your cravings, and my eternal battle to have fun over the last 6 months of my sobriety has been a little helpful for you. 

 

One more thing, since a lot of folks have been asking about it, I use an app on my phone called Easy Quit.  It is a free app and in no way am I endorsed by them.  It has been a very helpful tool, though.  It keeps track of the time that has gone by, while showing you how much money you’ve saved for passing drinks.  The app will also tell you what you’ve gained in the time you’ve been obstaining alcohol.  There are also options for those who don’t want to full on quit, but just cut back.  Trust me, it’s been a very helpful tool that has been with me since day 1, after I thought, “how can I keep track of all of this?”  Of course, there’s an app for that. 

 

Keep fighting the good fight, a day at a time, and remember to be responsible with your choices.  How much, how fast and how often.