Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - 2016

Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - Round 5

As we wrapped up our trip to Hawaii, we spent part of our final day back our beachfront restaurant enjoying a few final cocktails

Sooooooo…While we in Kauai, this happened. Let’s just say that Christina and I were having a rough session in the bedroom which ultimately led to her pushing me off the bed and falling onto the floor as I went right into the credenza.

Somehow, I even punctured my little chicken leg.

No vacation is complete without one good sex related injury. Mission accomplished

After Hawaii we made the 12 hour trip to Dallas. Christina has a real job and can’t take two weeks off all the time so I spent my second week with her and sleeping with her dog Scout

Like most dogs, Scout loves me

Keep in mind that yes, Scout is a Lab so he is, by definition kind of dumb. This type of communication usually works best with him

While in Dallas we went to the IPIC movie theater which has fully reclining love seats and sofas

Christina hadn’t yet seen “Finding Dory,” so I saw it again and enjoyed a few dirty martinis while I was at it

Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - Round 4

You can’t throw a dead cat out the window in Hawaii without seeing some douchebag tourist in his rented convertible so of course, we rented a convertible

Of all of the things we did in Hawaii, going to and playing in the ocean was my favorite thing. Having grown up near San Francisco, I spent many hours as a teen at Half Moon Bay and nothing makes me realize how insignificant I am more than the ocean does.

We actually found a hidden, almost entirely private beach but it was a 1 mile drive on a dirt road and then a ¼ mile trek where for a while, we thought we were lost and going to die

But, we made it!

There are no words…

My favorite thing to do in the ocean is wave surf…swim out, ride the wave in and don’t die. I love it. When I was a lifeguard back in the days of the dinosaurs my co-workers and I used to have races to kill time while people were drowning.

Of course, at some point nature calls…

OK, I think we get the point

After a couple of hours of surfing waves and playing on the beach, we were covered in sand. I think I still have some in various crevices

On our last day on the island, we took a 3 hour ATV ride which was fantastic and fun and very dirty. Apparently, the first rule is you have to look like an idiot.

Part of the ATV ride included 2 zip lines over the water…again, looking like a moron was standard operating procedure

About halfway through the ATV ride we wound up on top of the world overlooking all of the island. Our guide made us do the stupid “hang loose” sign for this picture. I’m learning to love selfie sticks more each day

Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - Round 3

By now you know we were in Hawaii over summer vacation for Brandon’s wedding. Truth be told, I’m not much of a wedding guy, but this was a very cool event

The entire ceremony combined traditionalism with Hawaiian ritual values and was very sweet, loving and spiritual.

Is it me or does she look terrified?

All together now….AWWWWWWWWWWW

With the wedding behind us, we spent the next day lazily enjoying our rental home and recovering from the night before. Note how fat I am

The beauty of your own house on vacation is the ability to make amazing surf and turf without going anywhere. We devoured these rib-eyes and shrimp

We took this for Dawn so that she could see the American flag still gets flown occasionally. Settle down, Dawn

This is what I call a “California Rooster.” These damn birds are everywhere on Kauai and for some reason they like to cock-a-doodle-doo at around 3AM local time and wake people up. Idiots. That’s why I call them California Roosters, they’re on the wrong time schedule. Some locals told us on our last day we should have just shot them when they made noise because that’s what they do. No, I’m not kidding

On Thursday morning we took a nice 2 hour long horseback ride amongst the lush forests of the island

Eventually, the horses led us to Silver Falls, pictured behind the gorgeous girl and goofy guy

Oh, that’s lovely…endorsing bestiality

That is a peacock…hehehehehehehehe…pea.

Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - Round 2

As I mentioned earlier, in my world, you eat local cuisine wherever you go. These are Poke bowls (pronounced po-kay)…Raw tuna, rice, sauce, extras…YUMMY

As quickly as we could, we found a beach once we got there

And we quickly found a giant sea turtle on the beach

Christina immediately wanted to be sweet and draw a heart in the sand with an “I love you” message inside”

Mother nature was having none of that

After the beach defeated us, it was time for Sushi!

Once again, you can clearly see that Christina is not having any fun at all

Meanwhile, I am savoring Tuna Sashimi

And man is it good. We had this 6 times while we were there

We also had Ceviche…gotta have tons of seafood in Hawaii!

While we were obviously there for Brando’s wedding, it was also our Month-aversary upon arrival so I had to make sure Christina had some beautiful flowers upon arrival. And yes, those are playing cards in front of her…we played dozens of games of War, Speed and even Go Fish. Shutup

More local food…who goes to Hawaii and doesn’t get Loco Moco? Only an idiot, that’s who

Rob's Summer Vacation In Kauai - Round 1

We spent 8 days in Kauai for summer vacation and the only way to travel in my world is rent a home so that I can cook occasionally and not be a slave to hotel and take out food.

Speaking of food, I’m a firm believer in eating local cuisine. I’ll never understand people who go to Hawaii and eat at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. WTF? This is called Spam Masubi.

It’s a seaweed wrapped piece of spam with rice and sauce.

We have a winner. I have no idea why this is so good, but it is. I think we each ate half a dozen that week.

Of course, we were actually in Hawaii for Brandon’s wedding…on our first full day, we all took a helicopter ride.

See? It’s a helicopter

Recognize that? You should…it’s the famous waterfall from Jurassic Park.

Recognize that? You should…it’s the famous waterfall from Jurassic Park with your gorgeous radio host in the foreground.

Look closely…this is after the ride and notice Brandon’s wife (fiancé at the time) holding her barf bag…yeah, she puked.

Random beauty from the chopper.

There’s that damn waterfall again from afar.

I’m still not sure what this woman is doing with me, but whatever.