Dawn & Amanda's "Go Girls!" Page

 

INTRODUCTION FROM DAWN:

 

Hey girls, welcome to Amanda and I’s Go Girls page! I’ve done this show for a zillion years and I have always been the only girl that was totally apart of the show..boooo. I always wanted there to be another girl on the show with me, I’m a girls girl so being surrounded by testosterone on the show can be a bit much! Don’t get me wrong I love Rob and Brandon but I was SO excited to have another chick on the show and not just any chick..Amanda!

 

Oh my gosh her and I have SO many similarities while also being pretty different from each other. And we accept each other’s differences while supporting each other.  I never have been one of  those girls that likes to tear my fellow women apart. Even though all of us women don’t have the same beliefs or lifestyles we can still be positive and encouraging to each other. The world needs a bit more love  don’t you think!!

 

Amanda and I share a lot of the same struggles, with both of us being at different points of healing. I thought we’d make a great team with a page like this where we can share and encourage  our fellow girls. This page won’t be all about the struggle, I mean Amanda does have a review of Thinx panties for you! We will even throw in some health and fitness shit and other girl type stuff.

 

It’s about women supporting women helping each other be strong while also not feeling alone and realizing you are not the only broad who is bat shit crazy!!! Lol!!

 

I wish each of you peace and joy with your individual journeys…

Xoxo Dawn

 

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AMANDA ADDRESSES ANOREXIA 

 

Recently, I've been battling weight gain while at the same time trying to love myself. It's been difficult because I'm the biggest I've ever been and it's a struggle to accept that I'm still actually beautiful. Some of it has been brought on by medication and retiring from roller derby - not getting the intense workouts I was accustom to. But after a number of heart to hearts with people I know actually care about me - I've realized something I've never acknowledged before. The relaxation is - if I'm really honest with myself, that I've never really had a healthy relationship with food. And if I'm even more honest, since I was a young girl I suffered from an eating disorder - namely, anorexia. My go to weight loss plan has always been to be super restrictive with my food and working out like a mad woman. But because I never acknowledged it, it's like it didn't exist. And in my mind because I was still eating everyday and not taking laxatives, like other girls I knew - I wasn't that bad.... Right? No!!

 

 

As a young girl I was always ashamed of my body, I'm talking all the way back to elementary school age. I never looked like the other girls when I was growing up. I've always had a big butt, thick thighs and my most embarrassing feature - "cankles" or thick ankles. 

 

 

Here's a picture of me at the age of 12, I was already shaped like a young women by this age and not a little girl. I'm barely 12 in this picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I look at this, and while it's funny because the fashion is so out of date and I'm clearly trying too hard - it reminds me of all the things I wouldn't allow myself to do because I wasn't shaped like the other little girls my age. I wouldn't want to go swimming in front of people. I wouldn't wear shorts. I WOULDN'T WEAR SHORTS IN THIS SACRAMENTO HEAT! Not in P.E. - not ever!! When we had swimming in my freshman year at Ponderosa High, I wouldn't dress down. I'd sit out while all the other girls had fun, and because I was so ashamed that someone would see all my imperfections I just sat on the sidelines.

 

 

It wasn't until 2007 when I was 26 and joined roller derby that I would even allow myself to wear shorts - and this was more of a necessity of working out and getting sweaty. But the good thing about roller derby is there's no judgement and through that - I learned to be more comfortable in my own skin. I gained confidence in myself that I really never had before. Admittedly though, I still wouldn't eat as much as I should have given the work outs I was doing. I wouldn't eat breakfast and my lunches consisted of iceberg lettuce with lemon juice and salt and pepper. My dinners would be minimal like an artichoke or maybe something of more substance if I was on a date. But that was rare.

 

 

The biggest wake up call is when I posted a picture of myself recently from a couple years ago, thinking it was my "most healthy" I've ever been.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But this is what I need to acknowledge in this picture - all I was eating was peanut butter and avocados. That was the staples of my diet. I was marathon training and playing roller derby. So I working out WAY too much and not eating. This is not the picture of health. 

 

These are pictures of me now. I'm trying to see myself a beautiful still, but I want to take an actual healthy approach to eating and exercise while at the same time loving myself. Baby steps.